Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
