never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
where does the pee come out of this thing
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
