I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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