i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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