i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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