My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
