worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
