apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
