And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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