non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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