How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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