When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
