I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
