I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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