I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
