if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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