im holly from the hills drunk
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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