I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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