That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize