So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just invented taco cereal.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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