her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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