I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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