Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's blow job season.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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