I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize