I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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