My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How's work?
Spinning.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
