I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
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just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
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Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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