i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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