Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
