I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
