tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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