i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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