No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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