We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
