I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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