btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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