my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i already hear my dad disowning me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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