I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
