I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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