He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
