I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
