it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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