You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
