She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
