Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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