then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
