your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My feet surprised me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
