I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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