I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
