i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
