Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
