is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
