maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
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can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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