Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
