so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize