I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize