Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
