Yo dont text me then not text me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
