I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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