hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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